Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
