I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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