I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
