I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
