I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
