I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
