i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
