Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
