ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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