so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
