Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
