I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
