she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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