And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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