I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
