My friends, they love my intelligence
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize