my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
