So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
