Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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