Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize