As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's blow job season.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
