WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
