There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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