no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
