Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
