chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
babies were throwing up all over the place
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
