Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
