There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
