the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
