I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
