I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
