Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
