In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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