it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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