It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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