would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
