So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
