his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
