Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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