Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They are going to name an STD after you.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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