Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
