The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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