Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
