There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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