Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
