its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
