I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
