remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
