Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
