somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
