Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
