is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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