the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
