NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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