two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
