Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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