Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
