She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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