Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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