Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
