this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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