so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
