Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
