I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
