I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Randomize
