This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
