Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
