Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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